Reading my past few journals i have made several statements about coming back to do some more writing and failing miserably to do so. I have a very complicated job which can take me away for weeks on end. To anyone who was waiting for more instalments i can do nothing but apologise. I will try to become more active once again. There just never seems to be enough hours in a day. 

I would like to throw some lyrics out here right now and i'm sure any Ben Howard fans out there will know this song 

No man is an island 
Of this i know 
Maybe you were the ocean 
and i was just a stone



Another set of amazing lyrics come from Ryan Adams 

The lights will draw you in 
the dark will bring you down 
and the night will break your heart
but only if your lucky now 




But for me the most amazing and meaningful song is the world is Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. 
Only one person will ever know why x

Reading my past few journals i have made several statements about coming back to do some more writing and failing miserably to do so. I have a very complicated job which can take me away for weeks on end. To anyone who was waiting for more instalments i can do nothing but apologise. I will try to become more active once again. There just never seems to be enough hours in a day. 

I would like to throw some lyrics out here right now and i'm sure any Ben Howard fans out there will know this song 

No man is an island 
Of this i know 
Maybe you were the ocean 
and i was just a stone



Another set of amazing lyrics come from Ryan Adams 

The lights will draw you in 
the dark will bring you down 
and the night will break your heart
but only if your lucky now 




But for me the most amazing and meaningful song is the world is Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. 
Only one person will ever know why x

Loving Imagine Dragons Demons

I KNOW I HAVE BEEN

LAME

It's hard to believe this is my first activity on my account for ages. I would like to say sorry to everyone who has been waiting for the next edition of the Victoria stories. Things have been crazy and busy and finding time to do anything has been a struggle. The few hours I have found to write have been consumed by sleep for some bizarre reason. Things do seem to be returning to some degree of normality and with that I am hoping my to resume writing. I also want to say thanks to everyone who has sent me messages. As you are aware from my replies I didn't die I have just been busy.

BACK

Back to a land

Of which I did roam

The bag on my back

Carries my home

I have been drifting

A wandering soul

Walking tall like trees

Sleeping curled in a hole

The light of the fire

Reflected in my eyes

I gaze to the heavens

See stars in the skies

This life isn't perfect

But does have it's charms

I once felt complete

Laying with you in my arms

Writings on the lighter side

Standing here, safe in the darkness I see the light ahead of me and wonder what it could be. Is it death finally showing me the path to my end, is this the white light that people often talk of, the one that some over dramatic actor will suddenly tell me to walk towards.

I have been in the darkness for so long the light hurts my eyes. I feel my breathing quicken, fear rising within me. I look around me and see the darkness dissipating to be replaced with shades of grey. A dappled yellow slowly adds itself to the grey and brings with it a warmth.

The warmth shocks and scares me, because I haven't felt this warmth for so long. It pleases me but also makes me realise how cold I have been, Cold inside and cold to everyone close to me.

I have built walls so think and so strong, I have stopped the sunlight from touching my life and my soul. I have pushed away everyone close to me and everyone I care about to protect them from my coldness and stopped myself from having to feel again, because if I an so cold I cant feel then I can't be hurt again.

But now something is different, I feel myself pushing the walls away and letting the light back in. Wondering if it is safe for me to trust and feel once more. Day at a time another brick falls and lets through another wonderful ray of light.

I now find myself hoping and praying that the world I have shut myself away from will let me back in. I hope those who have been kept on the outside of my walls will step of the rubble and accept my embrace once more. For so long you have been my light and I miss you.

I say I miss you like you have been somewhere, but I know in truth that it is me that has been absent. Fear of being hurt and feeling has kept me away at times I feel like everything i touch and care about vanishes. I don't want you to vanish like that because I was to scared to let myself feel.

The end

So here we are at the end

of another crazy entry

Random thoughts jotted down

shared feelings from within me

Ride the roller coaster

and tumble down the slide

Come up with a smile

Yelling " oh what a ride " 

Random rambling and an info burst

I might be gone for some time as it looks like my job might take me away for a while and on top of that I will lose the luxury of the free time I get to focus on my writing. I will do my best to make submissions but the will probably be few and far between. Hopefully though it wont be long until normal service resumes. …... And that's the serious crap out the way.

DARK WRITINGS FROM A DAMAGED SOUL

A long time ago I gave you gift, You couldn't see it but you could feel it.

You kept it with you, even though you couldn't see it but you helped it grow

When life was hard and cold it softened the edges and kept you warm

It was always with you, keeping you safe, warm and free from harm

As time went by it was always there looking after you but now forgotten

Being forgotten it stopped growing and slowly withered with time

Now me and my gift are forgotten, It was my heart now just an empty space

I gave you everything you could ever want

But in someone else's arms you close to lay

I built walls to protect you and keep you safe

But with my heart you chose to play

I forgive you and forgive the things you done

Despite all the hurt and the pain

Just another chance is all that you ask

Wanting me to trust you again

You ask me to forget the past

So that things can be the same

But you wont give what I want

I want the man and his name  

And when the lights go out and everybody is happy safe and sound who is there for the person who is there for everyone else. The demons and the angels that search for perished souls. Time to stop being the caretaker, time to be the animal inside that has been caged for so long and tear this night apart. I challenge you and you think you are winning, you have no idea that every blow is making me stronger and more deadly. Have i sunk too deep in that darkness to ever return. I will find my refuge in solitude as i always have. the shadows will keep me for i no longer have any desire for human contact, the hand that reaches out merely to slap back down, the smile that hides a forked tongue. 

It's now time for me to say goodbye

and bid you all farewell

If my journey don't bring me back

Come and visit me in hell